Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in r0's LiveJournal:

Saturday, February 10th, 2007
10:23 pm	I AM ALIVE (for those who may have wondered.) (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 24th, 2006
3:24 am	My crow Kosmos (Kaotic remix) [FIAT LUX] I guess tonight When she hung up I realized something had ended There'd been a breach inside the womb whose safety I had for so long depended PRETENDED the razors were not real Numbed my psyche till I didn't feel Them cutting through the Core of Me Fragmenting my Reality Dissolving who I used to be And leaving but an ashen crater. I yielded to fate and destiny Let the Universe make what it would of me Whatever form I took Who I came to be I trusted would be later Greater. And so I sit spinning my tale Testing the belief I cannot fail Plugging needles into veins Popping pills Unclogging drains Reliving memories and pain The crucible of the mundane will sanctify what I Remain. The chorus of a million voices collective memory burned in my brain. Lain dormant, latent once again sane. To make my choices seem real again. The slings and arrows hurt And I don't care Cuz I know they're not really there In the darkest depths of self I stare Shall either find warmth and quarter there And cease to be a beast who sees Or dissolve. Forever free. [FIN] (4 Comments |Comment on this)
2:40 am	Childhood Ends. Age of Spiritual Machines of Loving Grace Begins. Eye Want to Be Leave WE Shall Overcome Sea the Man in the Mirror As Dee Lusion Put an End to One Self And B 1 1 = OO 4Ever I WANT TO BELIEVE WE SHALL OVERCOME WE SHALL OVERCOME WE SHALL OVERCOME XO -> OO (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
2:34 am	Spontaneous late-night angsty song lyrics I cannot look inside your heart I cannot feel the pain that makes you shudder and reel inside I cannot be the answer to every question that remains I cannot be a balm for all your pain I just wanna look into your eyes and see my hate vaporize and see the starry skies above and go to Saturn and make love I wanna forget about the sorrow and pain you've left me in I wanna lose my guilt and shame and still retain my original sin It's all a big mystery to me I dunno what separates this day from the past Does it matter that I came in last? Does it matter that I did too much too fast before? and now I can't adore ANYTHING absolutely NOTHING my whirlwind psychology SPINS me around SPINNNNNS me around can't find the ground inside out and upside down There's the wish to KILL in me There's the wish to LIVE in me I don't which will prevail But I know I cannot fail Nooooo one Nooooo one will ever know why I'm still here will ever know I lost my fear when my death drew near You can say it's a waste You can say I've no taste for the finer things 'cuz i love suffering for the SINS of the world the SINS of the world When i was but a lad, I roamed the skies above Wrote paeans of cosmic love Didn't need to be a man Didn't need to understand how to live in this Humanland But now I do. What will pull me through? If this world is not enough where will I go? Only the prophets know. Only the profits? NO. The unfolding of time shall show. (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 26th, 2006
3:54 am	Pics of me on the web http://critmass.org/fall2000retreat/fall2000group.jpg (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 12th, 2006
5:37 pm	"Time past and time future Allow but a little consciousness. To be conscious is not to be in time But only in time can the moment in the rose-garden, The moment in the arbour where the rain beat, The moment in the draughty church at smokefall Be remembered; involved with past and future. Only through time time is conquered." -- T.S. Eliot, "Four Quartets 1: Burnt Norton" "To see a world in a grain of sand And heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palm of your hand And eternity in an hour." -- William Blake, "Auguries of Innocence" "Though much is taken, much abides; and though We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are--- One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." -- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, "Ulysses" Having left behind a Life and Self and cheated Death to form Another I stand Heart to Heart with two great souls across the ages, they speak as brothers I feel the Wonder, Courage, Hope which stirred Blake to such eloquence Peer with Tennyson's nostalgic gaze amidst deep Loss, find Wisdom and Strength. I know Eliot's puzzlement At time and life, with Paradox filled The illusions of yesterday and tommorrow Distinctions forged by human will That much has Past away, I know tales told deeds done, won't come again From this clear Truth, I do not shirk Reborn, sustained, by Light within For I have seen Eternity shine in Cosmic skies and Hearts of men Gazed deep into Reality's eyes known I'll never be Lost again So in what earthly time remains I'll dance and play in heavenly realms Make visions real of worlds without pain Flow down lifestreams without dead ends. Heed siren calls Time and Again the joyful Game that never ends For what is Now, will soon be Then "Go on, flow on. New life begins." "Go on, flow on! New life begins!" (Comment on this)
1:22 am	Recalled to Life I've been gone for a while, I know. "Gone" in many different senses of the word. Some of you know some of the details of my absence. Will tell everyone more in due time. Today was another major step forward in the project that's been my main focus for months, and will be for years to come: reconstruction of myself, my life, a sense of meaning and purpose and direction. Was very happy to have one of the most basic of human experiences--socializing, gathering with others for a common purpose. I have been forced to spend most of the last year in extreme isolation and disconnection due to illness. I plan to minimize that from now on. Went to a book club this evening associated with Fellowship X, a group of Unitarian Universalists in northern Virginia I have been a member of since 1999. We watched the first Harry Potter movie, and then had a general discussion about the entire series of both books and movies. Even having spent a year in solitude, I found that I was able to feel comfortable shortly after arriving, track the flow of conversation, interact effectively with others, and enjoy myself. *pats self on back* Many more good times to come. Looking back at the past year and a half, I still have difficulty believing the level of adversity I managed to overcome. It took courage, faith, resourcefulness, wisdom. I am fortunate indeed to have all those qualities. To have been able to heal and transcend. To have plunged into the fiery abyss of my mortality and emerged with a chance to create a meaningful life. This time, I'm gonna do it right. I'm gonna use every single ounce of what I've learned. I'll do whatever it takes, for however long it takes. I'm back for good. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
11:28 pm	Sketching out a new life.... Putting on a mask. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 4th, 2004
6:37 am	We now return you to your regularly scheduled rap in progress... seattlesque started an LJ game where the challenge was to create a cover for a band name and album title that were randomly generated: http://www.livejournal.com/users/seattlesque/40627.html One of the bands was "Money Frog", and he aptly conceived of it as a rap group and wrote some lyrics. Knowing my long-standing talent for rap (they don't call me dEtH r0 fer nuthin'!), he suggested I bust out with some more lyrics in hopes one of you will get us our first gig. :) So here's the rough draft of our first single, tentatively titled: Lily-pad Illin' Should I stop poppin' pillz? I been chillin' on muh pad Passin' da time wit' dope rhymez that I'm kickin' Born 2 B Bad Tongue still a-flickin' Catchin' so many fliez Cut 'choo back down 2 size When u see that wack stacka billz Betta jump while u can, dawg Soon u gonna realize Be 2 late if u wait Watchin' ya wit' muh dolla bill eyez Dey call me Money Frog Ribbit up Ribbit up! Can ya hear muh lyricz?? Ribbit up Ribbit up! Learn ta fear it, Pigeon toad Ribbit up Ribbit up! Or ya gonna explode Wit' jealousy when u see me Slip yo' girl some Spanish Fly tonite Money Frog gonna get her hi tonite Ribbit up Ribbit up! ========= Mo' 2 come! Current Mood: creative Current Music: whutchoo think, foo'? (4 Comments |Comment on this)